PAIN

You take a "pain pill" -- funny wording that... like you're taking a pill to "cause pain." smirk
Then pretty soon your body gets used to the dose and it only takes the edge off the pain. Severe, chronic, debilitating pain cannot be understood unless it is experienced.
So you increase the dose just a little and then some more because you can't sleep, you can't rest; you're totally worn out. The bottle says every 6 hours. You wait for the six hours to be over. You watch the clock.
It's not long until you're taking the "pill for pain" every 4 hours, maybe every 3 hours. It depends on how well you can tolerate the agony. 
You call the Doctor. He increases the dose. "Nothing more can be done." says the Nurse with a jaded concern in her voice. You hear the unspoken thought. She wonders if you're an addict. She hasn't had long-term unrelenting pain. That's obvious and she's seen way too many addicts. It's understandable.
No... you are not an addict. Not yet and by God's grace you never will be but how do you survive this pain? No one has an answer.
You smile in public. You can't writhe upon your bed there. You can't moan and hold yourself. You smile and sit as still as possible in your chair. You smile and answer politely and do things as normally as possible. You walk as quickly as your body will allow and try not to hate the thing you live in that is full of abject misery.
And... you... Smile. 

Tears...

Tears are oceans of feelings washing wave after wave upon my soul. Sands of time on the shores of my life. A little girl plays there gathering seashells she puts to her ear, listening for the voices of her life. 

© Gloria Smith 2012

Musings On Christmas...

Like snowflakes, my Christmas memories gather and dance - each beautiful, unique and too soon gone.

©  December 3, 2010  Gloria Smith

If you have nothing else to give away for Christmas; no money to buy presents with -- don't grieve... you still have love to give, and love you'll receive in return. Christmas is not a date but a state of mind. No, it's not like it was when we were children; it's much better. The magic has grown within us for now we can appreciate its essence. The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree is the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other. So all grown up I will dream the dream of Christmas. I will go to sleep that little girl again with rosy cheeks and soft smooth skin, excited to know that once more I have awakened to a Christmas dawn. I'm still here... to love and be loved once again!

Yes, I have grown older and have many burdens to bear, but love weighs heavier on my heart than any grief I carry so it is love I will share.

Heap on the wood!-the wind is chill; But let it whistle as it will, We'll keep our Christmas merry still.

-- Sir Walter Scott

Merry Christmas everyone!

Glo

GLO's Music

This first post is just to introduce my music...

http://www.ReverbNation.com/gloriasmith

More to come!!

Glo